In my last post, I noted that one thing that didn’t work in 2013, was comparing myself to things I saw on the Internet. It is a fault that I have become more and more aware of as the months have passed, and have tried to at least acknowledge when it rears its ugly head. Today was one of those days, but I found the jealousy rooted in a very unlikely place.
I was checking in on Rachel over at our yellow door when I came across this post. Quite frankly, it is an awesome post, filled with the amazingness of God and His love (and how He ALWAYS wins!!), but what awakened the jealousy was the simple pictures she posted. Pictures of her Bible marked up with highlighter, scribbles, and notes… a Bible that I envy. A Bible that I wish my own looked like. For a moment, I wanted my Bible to be so marked up so that others would seen mine and know that I am strong in my walk with Christ.
Rachel remarks that her Bible “is a physical chronicle of my walk with God”. A part of me fears that mine does as well, and that it shows a walk that is very new and stumbling. A walk that waivers, and at times seems so distant that it is almost nonexistent, a walk that feels very lonely from an earthly perspective. Granted I have only started writing in my Bible a few months ago, but I wish that it was more loved from use. I wish that I was not afraid of writing the wrong note, or underlining the wrong verse, or drawing a heart (a personal favorite) next to a verse that others would think is unimportant. I realize that my relationship with my Lord and Savior has become one of comparison. And I don’t like it!
So here today, I am going to start making a real effort to have my own relationship with God. A relationship that cannot be compared to anyone else because it is mine, and mine alone. And my Bible may never be filled with writing, or I may need a knew one because this one becomes filled to the brim, but it will be mine.
And God will always be mine, for He is always there.