Sometimes it’s weird for me to think that I am where I am. It’s almost like it’s a dream, and that I’ll wake up and be home in my dorm room. It hasn’t sunk in yet that this isn’t some business trip where I’ll be home in a few weeks, that I won’t be home for six months!! (And after that it will be another 4 months til I see D again…)
The routine of things is pretty simple, and I’ve gotten used to it pretty quickly. But there are still times when it hits me that this is real life, and will be for quite a while. I could easily get used to not having to get up more than 20 minutes before work and still be 10 minutes early cuz it takes about 3 minutes to walk to work. Or that I never have to cook since all the food’s made for me, though I do miss cooking. But I could do without the having to carry my 9 with me when I leave the compound, like when I go for meals or go shopping. And I could do without the guys walking the dogs up and down our road at night watching the fence. I could do without the warnings, and having my gear close at hand when I go to bed in case something happens in the night.
It’s too easy to get wrapped up in the fears of it all, and to be afraid to ever leave our little camp. But the fact remains that leaving or staying, anything could happen, so I’m not going to let it rule my life. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not scared. I like the work I’m doing out here, knowing that I am making a difference, but I would be really okay if I could just do it at home.